I pay attention to TV
Ashley Olson is my enemy
I pay attention to TV
Ted Danson is my enemy
Can of fuel for those in need
And a sleepy hop
The people in this room
I give them STDs and infect their lives with creepy crawlies

Down down down
Just a little light
Those arms were designed to hug me
You were made to love me
Like you, do do do do do do
Down down down
Just a little light
Those arms were designed to hug me
You were made to love me
Like you, do do do do do do

I pay attention to the radio (yeah)
I lick buzzwords, a talkback radio
I pay attention to the game show Q&A
And crosswords to expand my vocabulary
Can I order you a vodka lime
Do you have the time to fill my mouth with you
I've been noticing the tiniest things
I'm a number one sucker for a girl who bites her lips

And I hear wedding chimes and
Crystal castles, cake, caviar, coattail
I walk down the aisle with you
And we kiss like a couple for the congregation

And there's a napalm priest who's to young, he says
Do do do do do do do do
Do you take this girl to be your wife hell yeah vice versa likewise
Do you take this girl to be your wife hell yeah vice versa likewise
Do you take this girl to be your wife hell yeah cause my arms are lifelike

I met a girl at a club
She was born outta love
I wanted kiss her, I was too shy, she gave me the finger
And we played rocks and scissors, and scissors played with rock
And I said:

Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
And when you're working later if you wanna tell a mock at me
And yes I'd like a drink but if I drink it I'll be vomiting
And yes I'd like to kiss you but you've gotta get on top of me
And show me that you'll wanna kiss me back and never run away
And pee wee cures a headache and the bed is just the safest place
I wanna make out on your sheep skin rug
But my fingers do the talking
And I'll talk until my tongue is tied up
I'll talk until my tongue is tied up
I'll talk until my tongue is tied up
I'll talk until my tongue is tied up, up up up
And I say:

Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
Watch as I perform, watch as I perform
Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
Watch as I perform, watch as I perform