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December, in the mess we left behind

by JohnJRenns

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zxcbrd
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zxcbrd This album changed my life Favorite track: The Answer.
joy
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joy les fleurs sont belles! The strength revitalized my life. Favorite track: The Strength.
JackyOhayo
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JackyOhayo How Can Love Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real Favorite track: Aromanticism.
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1.
ILY 02:43
Staring at you in the parking lot I was waiting for you to buy groceries and whatnot And when I look at your eyes and their green hue I have to wonder if this moment is true But no matter what happens Please know that I love you Making small talk and I bite my tongue You must think I’m the dumbest girl in the whole wide world But when I say these darkest thoughts in my mind You look me in the eyes and tell me it’s alright So no matter what happens, we’ll make it through And no matter what happens Please know that I love you
2.
Dearly Loved 03:18
Dearly loved So sad that you had to let go of it all So was it at least worth it in the end? Doesn't matter in the end Dear my love Writing a single page of pure fluff We all know that nothing is that easy You should have never pursued this dream Dearly loved Dearly loved, oh oh 8 o'clock I bring you some coffee with a knock Grinding away at your masterpiece Never courting your miss In our home We won't have to feel alone Precariously carving out the unknown Not a place; but we can call it home Dearly loved Dearly loved, oh oh Dearly loved Don't say it was all for naught So what is ever worth it in the end? Doesn't matter in the end Dear my love You're like a raindrop from above Always turning something into a dream You should have never pursued this dream Dearly loved Dearly loved, oh oh
3.
The Answer 03:10
Let me inch in closer I want to hear you sing Oh baby you know Know how that song goes The kind of melody makes you shine and glow One time you told me something Two of us shared a heartbeat Can you believe That we exist in the same time and place? Baby don't hide your face You can cry facing me Yeah One two three Can't you see That I'm falling helplessly? There's gotta be an answer to why it happened to me Close your eyes Let my lips touch yours And fall into bliss There's gotta be an answer to why it happened to me i don't know what this feeling's about i guess we will just have to find out listen close, i may never say this twice but now that we have reached this height we've reached our final form it's our home. One two three Can't you see That I'm falling helplessly? There's gotta be an answer to why it happened to me Close your eyes Let my lips touch yours And fall into bliss There's gotta be an answer to why it happened to me
4.
The Strength 03:22
Girl, do you remember What you said last December Don't expect you to; I'm just asking you But I remember every word that you had said " 'round here they judge according to what grants them immediate happiness they don't heed ear to dissonance but all you need is the right note to stand up on your own " That's what you said to me back then We're growing stronger every day We'll get some courage on the way So I won't hesitate to say That I'm in tears And I'll tell you all my fears And you can always take your time You can do yours and I'll do mine But please just don't leave me behind Revitalize my life Tell me that you're alright Yeah, let's go skinny-dive on the pool Breaking all their rules Love unrefined in the mess we left behind Music's just one way to communicate your feelings It's not all there is, but it's best I got Though, often times, I only seem to make it worse God must've been fucking 'round when he made people the way that they are now But in one sense, then, I've got to thank her for making us a mess Because where is the fun in never saying something wrong We're growing stronger every day We'll get some courage on the way So I won't hesitate to say That I'm in tears And I'll tell you all my fears And you can always take your time You can do yours and I'll do mine But please just don't leave me behind Revitalize my life Tell me that you're alright Yeah, let's go skinny-dive on the pool Breaking all their rules Love unrefined in the mess we left behind
5.
The Gift 04:08
This winter, I gave you my everything Can you say the same for you I'm singing this song so that I don't forget I'm singing this song of regret This little hand-made gift you made How could I get rid of it? I don't have to wear this bracelet It remains collecting dust inside my closet A hundred thousand years may not erase my memory from this place Shedding tears cause of your face This Friday night You don't have to come back here It's snowing out here in Paris I realized you weren't for me Spring is almost upon us This Friday night You don't have to come back here I'm packing my things now Don't dare to come back now This one-room apartment's just home to tearful thoughts now I can feel the snow on my cheeks They blend in with the tears that roll off my dreams Oh, dearly loved, answer this Do you feel the same way as I do? Maybe we're singing the same song I can only speculate because you're now gone A hundred thousand years may not erase my memory from this place Shedding tears cause of your face This Friday night You don't have to come back here It's snowing out here in Paris I realized you weren't for me Spring is almost upon us This Friday night You don't have to come back here
6.
Aromanticism 03:01
(in a row) they say it happens once or twice (here we go) but i can't even put up a fight (now i know) i never really loved you (she's aro) love just ain't something i can do.
7.
Tsundere 03:42
Tsundere Hiding my feelings Tsundere Hear my heart beating Saw you on my way to school today You call out, and I say “Don’t talk like we are friends now” But somehow, it isn’t what I mean Never changing We’re always together She teased me, and I just scoffed To her, I’m just her best friend There’s no way we could get together It’s not like I love you but I can’t shake this feeling off I wish I could tell you this, cause I don’t know what to do Well, maybe you’re fine but there’s something that will not let me confess It's not like I could've anyways Tsunde- Retorting without thinking about it As if I’m playing out a script Following all the cliches You know, it’s funny how those stories come true Never saying out loud what I’m thinking She must think I'm the dumbest girl in the whole world Yanderes and other deres don't know this feeling of Despair, agony, frustration But I have no choice but to be a Tsundere Tsundere Honto no kimochi Tsundere Zenbu uso desho It’s not like I love you but I can’t shake this feeling off I wish I could tell you this, cause I don’t know what to do Well, maybe you’re fine but there’s something that will not let me confess “Maybe I like-” Ah, goddamnit, that slipped out of me Hey, don’t mind me, I meant nothing But she’s looking at me now, blushing What’s that look supposed to mean? I am silent and she’s waiting Then I laugh and say, “Yeah, just kidding!” It’s not like this is something I could do But one day, I'll say "I love you"
8.
Winter 02:56
In the end Winter has come and gone Last year has felt so long, I thought I wouldn’t live till dawn But here we are in this mess Created by the very things we didn’t address I just wanna walk with you Wanna hold you, wanna talk to you Hold out till it’s February Until they’re gone I don’t care bout anything What the hell do they got to do with us? Reasons are not necessary Come enjoy this ride with me And I’ll stay with you If that’s alright for you High above the clouds I’m thinking how to spend the day with you It’s a Saturday We can go out and play High above the clouds I’m thinking how to blow this night away I guess I’m going on the long way home I miss you so much, I feel alone You know it’s true That I can’t do a thing If without you You say I’m too apathetic Well, I know that I’m pathetic But is it so wrong of me to be selfish? And the world could end But still, I would spend Every moment together with you Hold your hand and never let it go Pray that we won’t die Cause long as we’re alive We can face another day We can make it a better place And I’ll stay with you If that’s alright for you High above the clouds I’m thinking how to spend the day with you It’s a Saturday We can go out and play High above the clouds I’m thinking how to blow this night away
9.
ILY Reprise 02:15
Staring at you in the parking lot I was waiting for you to buy groceries and whatnot And when I look at your eyes and their green hue I have to wonder if this moment is true But no matter what happens Please know that I love you Making small talk and I bite my tongue You must think I’m the dumbest girl in the whole wide world But when I say these darkest thoughts in my mind You look me in the eyes and tell me it’s alright So no matter what happens, we’ll make it through And no matter what happens Please know that I love you
10.
The Mess 04:38
This cold is killing my heart And you aren’t here to warm me up It ends as soon as it starts If only had you said enough In the last night of December We promised to remember So where did you run off to I won’t ask for forgiveness Cause I knew this would happen Stay up until dawn Working on a song Thinking about how you’re gone Told you all my fears Let you see my tears But now you left me here Fade into the night Choke up at your sight Curse your name out of spite It’s another day without you around In the mess we left behind Memories left behind I wrote them in a song But they came out wrong Another magic phrase In the newtype winter phase 2020’s done Our problems are not gone Just another year to look forward to We could start anew But we always knew It was never gonna work out the way I thought it would Stay up until dawn Working on a song Thinking about how you’re gone Told you all my fears Let you see my tears But now you left me here Fade into the night Choke up at your sight Curse your name out of spite It’s another day without you around In the mess we left behind We always knew it But I guess we didn’t mind The signs were all there The mess we left behind It’s hard to look back It always hurts to rewind It keeps coming back Our love left undefined The past is gone now I wonder if you made it And if you’re thinking about me, alone Well, I’ll be waiting Don’t let this winter define us Don’t forget Don’t forget about me

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O lieb, so lang du lieben kannst

-

Album 1 of 12 in ALBUM-A-MONTH 2021

33:18

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released January 7, 2021

Cover art: "Roses and Lilies" by Henri-Fantin Latour

Featuring the talent of ELEANOR FORTE dreamtonics.com/en/synthesizerv

Track 3 vocals by AI KIRITAN (n3utrino.work)

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JohnJRenns South Korea

The former musical alias of Cecily Renns. cecilyrenns.bandcamp.com

“Frankly, pop culture is a bit better at rocking people emotionally than the better chunk of the so-called fine arts.” - Kadono Kouhei, authour of ‘Boogiepop’

“...소위 팝컬쳐라 불리는 게 있다. 예술이라 하기엔 좀 그렇긴 한데 하여튼 사람의 마음을 뒤흔드는 점에 간해서는 어정쩡한 파인 아트보다 힘이 세기도 하는 놈이다.” - 카도노 코우헤이, '부기팝' 작가
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